How Grandparents Can Be Involved in the Birthing Process: Insight from Ella Goldberg, MPH, LCCE
Empowering presence, practical help, and a whole lot of love.
When a new baby is on the way, excitement spreads through the entire family, especially grandparents. For many, it’s a deeply emotional experience filled with joy, anticipation, and a strong desire to be helpful. But today’s birthing culture has evolved, and so has the role of grandparents. To better understand how to show up in the most supportive, meaningful way, we turned to maternal public health expert and certified childbirth educator Ella Goldberg, MPH, LCCE, founder of Empowered With Ella and Head of Operations at Equilibrio Birth & Bodywork. With over a decade supporting families through pregnancy and postpartum, her advice is both compassionate and grounded in real-world experience.
Pregnancy Support: Show Up, Don’t Take Over
“Stay available without assuming or inserting yourself,” Goldberg advises. It may be tempting to jump in with suggestions or stories from your own parenting journey, but the best support starts with listening. Ask what’s needed. Offer logistical help (like errands or rides) or emotional presence (like a calm voice or hand to hold).
Respect their autonomy. Every generation births differently, and the choices your child makes may diverge from your own. That’s okay. “Try not to take it personally if they choose differently than you did,” Goldberg reminds. “It doesn’t mean they don’t love and respect you. It means you raised an independent, strong human being.”
“She didn’t ask to hold the baby unless I asked her to. She held me instead.” — Ella Goldberg
What is Helpful Before, During and After Birth?
Whether you’re in the delivery room or waiting by the phone, there are ways to make a real impact.
Before Birth:
- Take over daily tasks like grocery runs or meal prep
- Be a quiet and calm presence
During Labor:
- If present, follow the birthing team’s instructions and stay off your phone
- If not, avoid frequent texts or calls asking for updates. Wait patiently without pressuring
After Baby Arrives:
- Bring food, take out trash, do a chore, then leave
- Visit in short, manageable bursts unless asked to stay longer
- Before holding the baby, ask what mom needs first
The most important thing to remember? Your presence is valued, but the new parents may be navigating exhaustion, breastfeeding, and bonding time. These are essential needs that deserve space. Being thoughtful about when and how to help shows deep love and respect.
Birth Room Boundaries Are Evolving
Goldberg notes a recent shift: “Presence is now a privilege, not a given.” While grandparents are more welcome in birthing spaces than in the past due to a return to more family-centered care, those spaces now also come with clearer boundaries. Some parents may want their birth to be a private, intimate moment, and it’s important to honor that. Even from afar, your support matters.
Postpartum Support: Practical Beats Perfect
In the emotional fog of early parenthood, small acts of service make a big difference. Ella Goldberg emphasizes the importance of thoughtful, quiet support: check in before visiting, show up with food or a willingness to lend a hand, and affirm the new parents’ instincts during moments of doubt. Above all, say less and listen more. These early days aren’t about perfection or performance. They are about presence, patience, and offering comfort in whatever way is most needed.
A Grandparent Moment That Mattered
Goldberg shares her most meaningful example from personal experience. “My mom, Sharon, was a rockstar,” she says. “She came to postpartum visits, took notes, cared for my stitches, ran the house and told me every day, ‘You’re doing this right.’ She didn’t ask to hold the baby unless I asked her to. She held me instead.”
That moment captures what today’s grandparents can offer most — love that meets the moment. Whether you’re near or far, your thoughtful support can make a lifelong impact.
About the FEATURED EXPERT
Ella is a maternal public health expert and certified childbirth educator with over a decade supporting families through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. She is the owner and CEO of Empowered With Ella, and currently serves as the Head of Operations for Equilibrio Birth & Bodywork, offering specialized trainings for parents and birth professionals worldwide. Ella lives with her husband and two sons in Israel, and spends her summers in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania.
