Harold and Marlene were married for 42 years. When she passed, Harold thought her handwritten letter—filled with kind instructions for the family and a list of her final wishes, would be enough. “She had written down who should get what, even included a song list for the service,” he recalled. “But when it came time to carry it all out, none of it was legal.”
Harold found himself in probate court, juggling grief, paperwork, and a maze of legal terminology. “I was already heartbroken,” he said, “and then suddenly I was in front of a judge trying to defend what I knew she wanted.”
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Over 3 million estates in the U.S. go through probate each year, according to the National Center for State Courts. For many families, it’s the first time they’ve dealt with legal processes while grieving. But understanding how probate works and how to make it easier can lift some of the weight off your shoulders.
What Probate Actually Means
Probate is the court-supervised process of closing out someone’s financial life after they pass away. That includes making sure any will is legally valid, paying outstanding debts or taxes, and distributing remaining assets to heirs. If there’s no will, the court steps in and divides everything according to the state’s laws, which don’t always reflect the wishes of the deceased or the dynamics of the family.
That’s why probate can feel so impersonal. A loved one’s lifetime of decisions, preferences, and relationships is often reduced to a spreadsheet and a court timeline. But it doesn’t have to be that way, especially if families know what to expect.
How Long Probate Takes and Why
The probate process isn’t quick. While some cases wrap up in under a year, many last anywhere from six months to two years. Cases stretch longer when there’s no will, when the will is contested, when assets are complex, or when debts and taxes remain unresolved. It’s also common for properties to need appraisals or sales, which adds time and cost.
One ZestYears reader, Lila, 68, shared her experience when her brother passed away unexpectedly. “There was a house in his name and no will. Between the mortgage, his business, and distant relatives no one had heard from in years, probate became a full-time job,” she said.
Can You Avoid Probate Altogether?
In some cases, yes. Many people are surprised to learn there are tools that can help bypass probate entirely. Revocable living trusts, for instance, allow assets to pass directly to loved ones without court involvement. Joint accounts with rights of survivorship or transfer-on-death (TOD) designations on bank and brokerage accounts can also prevent assets from being frozen.
Denise, 67, from Arizona, recalled how smooth things were after her father passed. “He had taken the time to set up a trust and made sure everything was titled properly. I didn’t have to go to court at all. That was the best gift he could’ve left me.”
Why You Might Still Want a Probate Attorney
Even if your situation seems simple, a probate attorney can be invaluable. For starters, they can make sure filings are completed correctly, help interpret confusing will language, and assist in notifying creditors and beneficiaries. More importantly, they can mediate potential family disputes before they escalate.
Legal help also becomes essential when there’s no will, assets are spread across multiple states, or if someone is contesting what’s in place. Attorneys can work on an hourly basis or for a flat fee so it’s smart to ask upfront how billing works, and whether you can handle certain parts of the process yourself to reduce costs.
First Steps to Take After a Loved One Passes
In the first few days or weeks after a death, grief can make every task feel enormous. Still, there are a few practical steps that help build a clear path forward.
A gentle checklist to guide you:
Secure important documents such as wills, insurance policies, and bank information
Order several certified copies of the death certificate (you’ll need these for everything from closing accounts to claiming benefits)
Notify Social Security, financial institutions, and insurance companies
Locate and file the will with the local probate court, which is often required by law
If that sounds daunting, it’s okay to ask someone you trust to help. A close friend, an adult child, or even a neighbor can provide emotional and logistical support.
Caring for Yourself While Navigating Probate
What probate guides rarely mention is the emotional toll. As Lila said, “Probate isn’t just paperwork. It’s a process that makes you relive the loss over and over again.” Many people describe a “grief fog” that makes it difficult to remember things, stay organized, or focus for long stretches. That’s normal and it’s why it’s important to take breaks and pace yourself.
Try setting small, achievable goals for each week rather than trying to do everything at once. Use a shared document to keep family members informed, especially if emotions are high. And if you find yourself feeling isolated, look for a local grief support group or seek out a counselor who specializes in loss.
Planning Now So Your Family Doesn’t Have to Later
The best way to make probate easier for your loved ones is to prepare in advance. Unfortunately, most Americans don’t. According to a Gallup poll, only 46% of adults have a will, and even fewer have named an executor or created a trust.
Setting up a will, designating beneficiaries on all accounts, organizing your paperwork in one place, and having a conversation with your chosen executor can make a world of difference. It’s not just about assets—it’s about easing the burden for the people you love.
Probate isn’t just a legal process, it’s a deeply personal one. It touches family dynamics, finances, and emotions all at once. But when you understand how it works, ask for help when you need it, and take steps to plan ahead, it becomes less of a mystery and more of a manageable transition.
Whether you’re dealing with probate now or planning ahead for peace of mind, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to do it perfectly, you just have to begin.
For more guidance, visit the American Bar Association’s Probate Resource Hub.
About the Author
Written by the ZestYears Editorial Team
Sources:
National Center for State Courts
Source for probate case volume:“State Court Caseload Digest: 2024 Trends” https://www.ncsc.org, Over 3 million probate and estate cases are filed annually in U.S. state courts.
American Bar Association – Probate Overview
General legal guidance and terminology, https://www.americanbar.org/groups/real_property_trust_estate/resources/estate_planning/probate/
Gallup Poll on Estate Planning (2023)
National statistic on Americans with a will. “Americans’ Views on Wills and End-of-Life Planning”, https://news.gallup.com Only 46% of U.S. adults report having a will in place.
Nolo’s Estate Planning Center
Public resource for living trusts, probate steps, and legal FAQs https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/probate
AARP – Avoiding Probate
Strategies for seniors to avoid probate or simplify the process. https://www.aarp.org/money/estate-planning/info-2020/avoiding-probate.html
