Many seniors imagined that by the time they reached their 60s or 70s, they’d be easing into retirement, traveling a bit, maybe taking up a hobby, and watching their adult children thrive on their own.
But for a growing number of parents, the reality looks different.
From covering rent and groceries to helping with medical bills or even raising grandchildren, millions of older Americans are still financially and emotionally supporting their adult children. And while there’s often love at the core of it, it can also bring strain, guilt, and financial stress, especially when retirement savings are limited.
6 in 10 parents with adult children say they’ve provided financial help in the past year.
The Numbers Behind the Trend
According to a survey by the Pew Research Center, more than 6 in 10 parents with adult children say they’ve provided financial help in the past year. The Bank of America also found that parents are spending an average of $1,400 per month supporting their grown kids, often cutting into retirement savings to do it.
Why It’s Happening
There’s no one reason. Student debt, high rent, inflation, and unstable job markets have all made it harder for young adults to become financially independent. And many seniors say they feel a deep sense of duty to step in.
“I’m not going to let my daughter drown just because she’s 30,” says Angela P., 72, from Georgia. “But I also never expected to be buying diapers again.”
Others echo that sentiment.
“My son is doing his best, but between the cost of living and his health issues, it’s tough. I just didn’t think I’d still be helping with his rent at 70,” says Leonard S., a retired veteran in Ohio.
The Emotional Side No One Talks About
Beyond the finances, there’s the emotional weight. Seniors often feel torn between love and resentment, pride and worry. Helping adult children can sometimes delay long-awaited dreams or lead to financial instability that they rarely speak about publicly.
“It’s hard,” Leonard continues. “You want your kids to succeed. But I spent decades planning for a peaceful retirement. Now I worry about every expense.”
Finding a Healthy Balance
Experts say the key is open communication and setting clear boundaries, something many seniors never had to practice when their children were younger.
Here are some tips that can help:
- Have the money talk. Be honest about your financial situation. Adult children may not realize the pressure you’re under.
- Create a plan, not a pattern. Short-term help can easily become long-term dependence. Set clear goals and timelines.
- Don’t neglect your own needs. Financial planners suggest following the “oxygen mask rule”: secure your own retirement first.
- Offer non-financial help. Emotional support, childcare, or job referrals can be just as valuable without draining savings.
A Growing Conversation
As life expectancy increases and adult children take longer to reach financial independence, this issue isn’t going away. But more seniors are speaking up, setting healthy boundaries, and realizing that taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your family.
“Helping isn’t the problem. The problem is helping in silence,” says Angela. “Once I started being honest with my daughter about what I could really afford, it brought us closer. We came up with a plan together.”
Being a parent doesn’t stop at 18, but that doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your retirement, health, or peace of mind. If you’re still supporting your adult children, you’re not alone. Just know it’s okay to take care of yourself, too.
.Footnotes
- Pew Research Center. “Most parents say they have helped an adult child financially in the past year,” 2023. ↩
- Bank of America. “Parents spending more to support adult kids than they save for retirement,” CNBC, 2023. ↩
