When your marriage ends, it can feel as if the ground beneath you has given way. Many women describe the early months as unreal. You may wake up, look around, and whisper to yourself, How is this my life now? It can feel frightening, lonely, confusing, and strangely quiet all at once. If this sounds like your experience, you are far from alone.
Research shows that 36 percent of U.S. adults getting divorced are now age 50 or older, a significant shift from what divorce looked like a generation ago, according to This stage of life can bring profound change, but many women also discover the strength, clarity, and personal power they never expected.
To help steady this stage, Oona Metz, LICSW, a Boston-based therapist who specializes in divorce, shares what she sees makes the biggest difference for women trying to find their footing when everything feels upside down.
Understanding That Divorce Is Not Linear
When everything feels chaotic, you may feel pressure to make big decisions or hold yourself together for everyone else. Oona encourages the opposite. “Most divorces are marathons, not sprints. The very first step is slowing down and making sure you have a strong support team and a simple self care routine. You do not need a perfect plan. You only need a few steady anchors while the rest takes shape.”
You do not need to fix your entire life today. You simply need to breathe, rest, talk to someone who cares, and move at a gentler pace than your fear is pushing you toward. It is not a weakness to pause. It is wisdom.
When You Feel Embarrassed By Your Emotions
You might think you should be handling this more gracefully. You might tell yourself, I should be stronger than this. But divorce is a deep emotional shock.
Oona reminds women of this often. “The initial stages of divorce are heartbreaking and stressful. You may be filled with many different feelings. The intensity and frequency will decrease over time as your brain and body adjust to a new reality.”
Many women feel embarrassed when they cry easily or feel overwhelmed by small things. Please know this truth: you are not broken. You are grieving. And grieving looks exactly like this.
When It Is Time to Reach Out for Help
It is common to try to be brave by staying quiet. You may tell yourself you do not want to burden anyone. But Oona says the quietest moments of your struggle can be the clearest sign that you deserve more support. “The most basic sign is if you are handling it alone. No one should try to go through a divorce alone. Divorce is not only a legal and financial event. It is a significant emotional journey. Everyone needs help during a life transition of this magnitude.”
Support does not need to be complicated. One friend who listens. A therapist who creates space for your emotions. A support group where other women nod because they understand. What matters most is that you do not have to hold this weight without someone beside you.
Making Sense of the Emotional Rollercoaster
If your emotions shift from sadness to anger to relief in a single afternoon, you may wonder if you are losing control. You are not. You are simply human.
Oona explains that this rollercoaster is a natural stage of grief.
“It is common to experience ups and downs in the same day or even the same minute. Many people feel two opposite emotions at the same time. This does not mean you are unstable. It means your system is processing a major loss.” Emotional fluctuation is one of the most common and expected responses to divorce, especially when history and identities run deep.
Samantha, 58, from Rockville, MD, shares that she felt guilty when relief showed up, as if she were betraying her past. While Anna, 62 from Summerville, SC said she felt angry at breakfast and nostalgic by lunch. These contradictions simply mean your heart and your mind are catching up to each other.
Small Routines That Bring You Back to Yourself
When life feels overwhelming, small actions often bring the most comfort. Oona emphasizes that you do not need grand plans right now. “The two most important things under stress are eating enough and sleeping enough. Moving your body each day is also very beneficial. Many women find strength in mantras or affirmations. These serve as small reminders that they are capable of getting through this.”
Women often say that tiny rituals kept them afloat. Sheila, 53, from Baltimore, shares, “I committed to a nightly walk around the block. It was only ten minutes, but those ten minutes really kept me going.”
Small steps count. They build steadiness one day at a time.
This fear is one of the quietest and heaviest parts of divorce. Many women whisper it. Oona hears it often.
“It is normal to worry you will never feel like yourself. Your identity will evolve as you move through divorce. You will not go back to your old self. Many women become a new, stronger, more empowered version of themselves.”
You may not see it yet, but you are becoming someone wiser, steadier, and more compassionate toward yourself. Eventually you will look back and see that something inside you grew stronger in the very moments you felt weakest.
Little by little, you will feel yourself returning.
