For many grandparents, helping raise grandchildren is one of life’s greatest joys. But even the most devoted nana or papa can feel overwhelmed, depleted, and stretched too thin. It’s called grandparent burnout, and yes, it’s very real.
As more families rely on grandparents for childcare, emotional support, and even financial help, older adults are quietly taking on full-time roles that mirror parenthood… all over again. A study from AARP found that 38% of grandparents in the U.S. provide regular care for their grandkids, with nearly 1 in 4 doing so every single day. And while the love is deep, so is the fatigue.
“Many of my clients don’t even recognize they’re burned out at first,” says Jamie Siegel, a licensed psychologist in New Jersey who works with older adults and caregivers. “They say they’re just tired or irritable, but what they’re describing is chronic emotional exhaustion.”
Why It’s Happening
There are several reasons grandparent burnout is on the rise:
Longer lifespans and delayed parenthood mean that older adults are still very much active when their children begin having kids, often while juggling careers or retirement transitions.
Childcare costs have skyrocketed, with the average American family spending $10,000–$15,000 per year on daycare, prompting many to lean on grandparents instead.
Cultural expectations also play a role. In multigenerational households, it’s often assumed that elders will help raise the next generation.
Combine all that with the natural physical and emotional changes of aging, and it’s a perfect recipe for burnout.
Signs You Might Be Burned Out
You don’t have to be raising your grandkids full-time to feel overwhelmed. Even occasional babysitting can take a toll. Some signs to watch for include:
Feeling irritable or snappy over small things
Trouble sleeping, even when you’re exhausted
Physical symptoms like headaches, back pain, or digestive issues
Feeling unappreciated or invisible
A loss of joy in something that used to bring happiness like spending time with your grandkids
If any of these sound familiar, it’s time to slow down and re-center.
What You Can Do About It
1. Reclaim Time for Yourself
“You cannot pour from an empty cup.” Whether it’s 10 minutes with a book or a full afternoon out with friends, carve out time that’s just yours and protect it like you would a doctor’s appointment.
2. Set Boundaries (Without Guilt)
It’s okay to say no. You don’t have to be available 24/7. Clear communication is key. Try saying, “I love being with the kids, but I need a day to rest and recharge so I can be my best self with them.”
3. Ask for Help
If you’re the go-to caregiver, see if responsibilities can be shared among siblings, other family members, or hired help, even just one day a week can make a difference. According to the CDC, social support is a major protective factor against stress and emotional fatigue in older adults.
4. Connect with Others
Isolation is a major contributor to burnout. Join a grandparenting group in your area or online. There are also national communities like The Grandparents Academy and Grands Matter that provide resources, courses, and forums for support.
5. Prioritize Mental Wellness
Burnout is more than just being tired, it’s an emotional drain. Speaking with a therapist, counselor, or psychologist who understands the unique pressures of caregiving in later life can help.
“Taking care of your mental health isn’t selfish,” says Siegel. “It’s essential. When you show up for yourself, you’re better equipped to show up for your family.”
A Shift in Perspective
It’s easy to romanticize grandparenting as a time of baking cookies, reading bedtime stories, and basking in unconditional love and sometimes it is exactly that. But it can also be hard. Really hard. And admitting that doesn’t make you any less loving. It makes you human.
In fact, prioritizing your own well-being may be the greatest gift you can give your grandchildren. Children thrive when the adults around them are emotionally healthy, balanced, and present.
So if you’re feeling the weight of grandparenting more than the joy, know this: you’re not alone. And you’re not wrong for feeling tired. Grandparent burnout is real, but with awareness, support, and boundaries, you can find your way back to joy.
Dr. Jamie Siegel is a licensed clinical psychologist in Plainsboro, New Jersey. She specializes in helping adults navigate life transitions, anxiety, grief, and identity shifts, including the emotional challenges that come with retirement. Known for her compassionate approach, Dr. Siegel supports clients in finding balance and meaning through every stage of life.
